Friday, November 05, 2004

Etude 4: Prestissimo Furioso

The chapter title means "play furiously, as fast as possible". This one was fun to write. I felt like Armand needed a bit more personality. I was kinda worried since I'm not much of a punker at all, but he's got some endearing qualities. (Or I might just be crazy. ;) )
Oh, and note that I'm horrible at writing punk lyrics...

You tried to stuff me in your mold, to make me just like you
Well, I ain't having none of it cause you'll rot me through and through

Armand didn't want to wake up, but the phone was ringing and refused to stop.
"Dude, get the phone already." That was his roommate.
"You get it."
"I bet it's your mom again. You get it."
Armand got up and grabbed the phone from under a pile of clothes. "Yeah?"
"Good morning, Armand!"
"Hi, Ma. You woke me up." He did his best to sound grumpy, which wasn't very hard to do.
"You know what they say. Early to bed and early to rise --"
"Makes a man healthy, wealthy, and wise. Yeah. You've only told me that about a dozen times."
"Now, how are you today?"
"Same as yesterday. Same as the day before that. You don't need to call me every day, Ma."
"But I do! How else am I going to make sure my only son stays on the straight and narrow?"
"You don't. Go away. Stop calling."
"Your manners are shocking, Armand. Have you been drinking again?"
He was about to lie to his mom and say he hadn't, and decided to try shocking her instead. "Yeah. Last night, and this morning I was about to get my usual breakfast of beer."
"Armand! I thought I'd told you to stop that."
"Yeah, you did tell me. I didn't feel like listening."
"Is that what you want to do with your life? Stay drunk? You'll end up just like your dad, that good-for-nothing."
"Yeah, well, you know what? I know why dad left you. It's because he couldn't stand any more of your nagging."
"Why, you ungrateful little --"
"I'm not listening to you! You always say the same thing anyway."
"Only because it's true, and it's still true, and you're not doing anything about it! You're heading for a bad end, young man, and one of these days it's going to catch up with you. And when you're lying there dying with your body full of poisons you'll think of me and --"
He hung up.
"Dude, 'Mand, is your mom always like that?"
"Yeah."
The phone started ringing again.
"Duuude, I'm trying to sleep here!"
Armand picked up the phone and threw it against the wall.
"Hey, dude, that was my phone!"
Armand walked over to where it landed. "It's fine. Sorry man, the bitch just pisses me off."
"Yeah, I'll say. Try to keep it down, okay."
"I'm going out." He tried to slam the door, but the auto-close gadget wouldn't let him. He kicked it instead. Inside, he heard an anwering "Duude!" He ignored it and stormed off.

...


Armand's favorite place was in some trees and rocks off by the back of the dorms. It was too dingy and drab for couples, and there were no benches anyway. He stopped to light a cigarette. Damn it, Ma, he thought. Quit hounding me! Just get off my back! It's not like I really wanted to go to college anyway. It was all your idea. He took a long drag out of the cigarette and blew it out, watching the smoke rise and dissipate. He kicked some rocks. A squirrel stopped to look at him curiously. "What are you looking at?" He kicked a rock at it, and it scampered off. "Fucking nosy squirrels. Just like my fucking mom." He punched a tree. "Take that!" A few leaves fell on him. He glared at the tree and kicked it. More leaves fluttered down. He looked up, and saw the red mist as it settled around him.

Someting clawed at the inside of his head, trying to swallow him. "Get out! Get the fuck out of my head!"
"Resistance:unexpected subduing:in-progress priority:urgent protecting:nexus-forming" The clawing changed to a light stroking, smooth and gentle, as if trying to soothe him into giving in.
"I'm not falling for that! Get out!"
"Subduing:gentle:failure subduing:rough:in-progress" The strokes turned into spikes, driving into his being, trying to force him to give up and leave.
"No, dammit!" He scrambled away from the tree, tripping over a rock and skinning his palm as he fell. The pain brought him back to the real world. But the thing was still there. "I will not give in."
"Resistance:unexpected vessel abandoning hide-traces:beginning" He suddenly felt sleepy, and he knew that it was whatever was in his head doing this to him. But it was so overwhelming, especially with the handful of hours of sleep the night before...
"No!" He jabbed the glowing end of his cigarette into his arm. The pain made him gasp in shock, but its red lances drove away the oncoming darkness. And the presence was gone.
Armand sat there, breathing heavily, trying to figure out what the hell had just happened. He hadn't dropped anything recently, and cigs didn't give him hallucinations. He checked the smouldering cigarette, making sure he hadn't mixed it up with something of his roommate's. No, just a perfectly normal cig. He ran a hand through his hair, trying to think calmly about what had just happened. He felt a warning sting as he did so, and realized it was the hand he'd scraped. He brushed the dirt off the raw skin, wincing a bit, then rubbed it clean on his shirt. That's like hygienic. Yeah, I'll bet Ma would have a cat if she saw me doing this. Come to think of it, that'd probably do her some good... He stood up and headed back to his room. May as well think about this with a bottle for company.

When he got back, Deke wasn't in the room. His bed was empty, and his bag was gone. Weird. Guess he didn't want to be around for another repeat of Ma the Nagging, Lifeless Bitch versus Armand the Rebellious Teenager. He shrugged and pulled a can out of the fridge. Ahhh, there's the stuff. He flopped down on the bed and relaxed, concentrating on the can in his hand. This time, he didn't notice the mist.

Sarah didn't know what to do, and she didn't want to tell anyone, either. Half the time when she thought she was alone, she'd look behind her and see this Armand guy there, somewhere just in sight, watching her. It was creepy. And half the time when she met him, he'd be formal and overly-polite and mysterious. And the other half the time, he'd just glare at her and tell her to go away. He was much creepier polite than rude, and she couldn't put a finger on why. This time, she was walking back from an evening recital when she saw him tailing her. Just to check, she took some of her weirder shortcuts through the campus. She looked over her shoulder. He was still following her. She started running, trying not to trip in the dark. He followed, walking quickly but calmly. He was taller than her, his strides longer. She tried to cut into a plaza. He was still there, the security lights casting eerie shadows over his face. A blue light phone, I should get to a blue light phone... She thought she saw one ahead, and ran for it. He was catching up, still walking, with a strange, calm expression on his face. And as she watched, a mist started to billow out around him, a glowing white mist that hid his feet and trailed behind him. Just like my dream. I have to get away! She ran blindly. The campus grounds were unfamiliar in the dark. She found herself in the middle of trees, on rocky ground that threatened to rise up and trip her. No, I can't let him catch me! Branches snagged at her. The cold air burned her lungs like knives. It was getting hard to breathe. The mist behind her grew brighter, surrounding a figure of bright light. She could see it creeping up on her from the sides, trying to catch her, swallow her... A sudden thump, and pain -- she'd tripped over a tree root. She tried to get up, but her ankle was too weak to stand on. And he caught up to her.

She squinted through the light. She couldn't make out Armand's form anymore, it was too bright. It reached for her, the light swirling around her, cradling her. For a moment she wanted to fall into it, forget her fear and pain. And then she felt a hand, and red light lanced through the white. Get out get off me get away never make me give in never make me yours never never never... She clutched the hand. It felt solid, and real, anchoring her. "Armand?" The red ate through the white, slashing through it and tearing it to shreds.
"You... will... not... win!" And the light disappeared in a torrent of black.
She sat there, dazed, blinking her eyes to clear them of the afterimages. She realized she was holding Armand's hand and quickly snatched it away. He looked in bad shape. like he hadn't been sleeping. And there were small burns all over his arms. "Er, Armand?"
He blinked, and looked as if this was the first time he'd noticed her. "You! This is all because of you!" He curled his hand into a fist and punched her. "Because of you, that thing keeps taking over me!" He hit her again. "If I get rid of you..."
She'd never been hit before. The first punch surprised her. But the second infuriated her. After all the fear, the tension, the chase... It built up in her, the rising of the tidal wave. And she released it, riding the crest. "Stop!"
He stopped. No -- he froze. His fist was suspended in the air, mid-punch, his expression an ugly grimace of anger and fear. She backed away from him. His sudden immobility frightened her more than the punches had. Then, with the anger that had built the tidal wave replaced by fear, the wave broke. Armand finished his punch in empty air.
"What the --"
"Please don't hurt me!"
"Give me one reason why. And it had better be a fucking good one."
"I can help you!"
"Oh, right. Sure you can. I think you'll be better help to me dead. Do you know how many nights and mornings I've struggled to throw that fucking thing out of my head? You think that's easy?"
"No -- I don't -- I don't know! I don't know what's going on! I don't know what that was! All I know is that I have to get away from it!"
He glared at her, then at his fist. Then he got up and slammed his fist against a tree. "Fuck this!" He started walking off.
"Wait, I do want to help you."
"I'm done with you."
She ran after him and tapped his shoulder to get his attention. And she was sucked into a maelstrom of violent red and black.

Voices shrieked in a whirling gale. "Never good enough for you. Never amount to anything. Never want to see you again. Out! Mine my life my choice mine mine get away get out can't make me won't not you never..." The cacophany brought Sarah to her knees, hands over her ears, trying to block out the sounds. But it was useless. They kept coming at her, louder and louder. "Never not ever can't don't never won't." She couldn't take it anymore. She screamed. In her scream was the emptiness of an endless hole. And then there was only the dark.